From Conflict to Connection

Tips for Finding Shared Goals in Disagreements

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship—whether personal or professional. But how you handle it can determine whether it strengthens your connection or creates lasting tension. Instead of letting disagreements spiral, here are some practical ways to help you navigate and resolve conflict effectively.

Reconnect on a Common Goal

When you and another person are aligned on a shared goal, not only can it make you a force to be reckoned with, but conflict naturally becomes easier to resolve. Think about the times when you and the other person were both completely aligned? What happened? What did you collectively achieve? How did it feel to achieve things together? I’m betting that when you were focused on the same goal it created a positive force in the right direction? Friction arises when you lose sight of the shared purpose, making differences seem more pronounced. So instead of focusing on areas of disagreement, take a step back and realign on what you both want in the bigger picture.

Ask yourselves:

• What are our shared future goals?

• How can we commit to working towards them, together?

• What do we gain when we work as a partnership

Remembering that you’re ultimately on the same team can shift the dynamic from adversarial to cooperative.

Don’t Turn It Into a Competition

Ever had a tough day and just wanted someone to listen, only for them to respond with, “Yeah, well my day was worse”? It’s frustrating, right? When conversations become a back-and-forth of who’s more tired, more stressed, or more wronged, no one feels heard. This is a no-win situation which just becomes a competition, where both people just stop listening to the other and begin to exist on parallel tracks storing up points. Instead of reacting with your own experience, try validating theirs first else it can come over as dismissive or invalidating.

• Instead of: “I’m exhausted too.”

• Try: “I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. How can I help?”

When people feel heard, they’re more likely to reciprocate, creating a healthier dialogue instead of a competition. Ultimately behind everything is a need someone is trying to meet

Focus on Resolving, Not Debating Feelings

One of the biggest traps in conflict is debating whether someone is “allowed” to feel a certain way. If someone says, “You hurt my feelings,” responding with “No, I didn’t” only escalates things into a cycle of defensiveness. This is a no win situation as the other person is the only true expert on how they feel and how they’ve interpreted whatever has happened. Instead, acknowledge their feelings without debating them. Even if hurting them wasn’t your intention, their experience is still real. A more effective response would be:

• “I never meant to upset you, but I understand that’s how it came acros. How we can move forward?”

By skipping over the validly of the argument and focusing on resolution, you keep the conversation productive rather than combative.

Separate Intention from Execution

Not every misstep is intentional. Often, conflicts arise not because someone meant to be hurtful, but because their delivery was off. Yet, we tend to assume that if the execution was bad, the intention was bad too. But this is not the case - it can just be a case of poor delivery. To diffuse defensiveness, acknowledge the intention before addressing the issue:

• Instead of: “Why would you say that?”

• Try: “I know that wasn’t your intention, but here’s how it came across.”

This helps the other person feel understood rather than attacked, making them more open to resolving the issue ther than getting defensive. This makes it more likely you can move forward rather than getting embroiled in a secondary battle.

Ask the Right Questions to Gain Clarity

When a conversation gets tense, asking the right questions can bring clarity and prevent misunderstandings. Here are some useful prompts depending on the situation:

If you’re unsure what they want: “What would that look like for you?” or“Can you help me to understand?”

If they’ve misunderstood your words or actions: “I know what I intended, but what did you hear?” or“What’s your understanding of what I said?”

If they’re venting and need support: “What do you need from me right now?” or “Are you looking for advice, or for me to just listen?”

Asking these questions shifts the focus from reacting emotionally to understanding and resolving the situation effectively.

So remember…..

Conflict doesn’t have to be destructive—it can be an opportunity for growth, stronger communication, and deeper understanding. By focusing on the common ground, avoiding defensiveness, and using intentional communication, you can turn disagreements into meaningful conversations rather than battles. Next time you find yourself in conflict, try these strategies and notice how the dynamic shifts. A little perspective and intentionality can make all the difference.

If you need help figuring out what’s not working for you in how you are communicating whether in a work or personal situation get in touch, Coaching can help you to explore what the conflict is and how to overcome it.

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